


A Plethora of Frerard!

by Narrissic



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Suicide Attempt, letter format
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-20
Updated: 2018-06-01
Packaged: 2019-02-17 18:00:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13082259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Narrissic/pseuds/Narrissic
Summary: Whether it be love or angst, just about every kind of Frerard fanfiction can be found right here..-If you have any requests just pm me :)





	1. My Love:

Length: short, a thousand words

Warnings: themes of suicide and alcohol abuse. Slightly nauseating imagery

Synopsis: _Frank is so lonely._

 

-

 

_It seems like the beginning of the letter has been  erased and scribbled out several times._

Hi. Not really sure what to write.. but I feel really bad for just leaving like this, for anyone who did care. If you did care about me I guess you never cared that much.. after all you didn't try hard enough to make me stay!!

WHATEVER.

I'm not looking up g's address right now, but if you know him give it to him, it's Gerard Arthur Way. Hard to miss, red hair. Goes to college for art in ny.

I guess this is gonna get long.

 

 

Why don't gerard love me anymore? He always motivated me, even now I guess. I don't have a great family, but it's good, I shouldn't leave them, but what does it matter anyway? I'm so fucking useless, I think they'll be happy after a while that I'm gone, I know my aunt hates me alot, I do to.

Gerard won't pick up his fucking phone!! I forgot, he was doing some art thing tonight.. I wish he just think about me for once? It's not super hard to ask, I guess he knows how worried and fucked up I get when I can't. I dunno, when I'm upset but you know you cares? Not g.

It was ever since he started college maybe, maybe left me behind and got with someone better who makes him super happy and kisses him and gives him joy and he's too nice to say that to me so he's clipping my hart. The strands. Like slowly pulling off bandaid, peace by peace, and it hurts. NOBODY FUCKING CARES AND IT HURTS! I'm going to die tonight..

Is it my fault that I'm stupid??????? I know I try but it was never enough, and it's not enough now. I feel like half the time when g makes something half the time I don't get it or he doesn't like it, or worse he thinks I don't like it so he hides it. That sucks..

I want it to be over now. I tried this once in high school.. except I didn't write a note or anything.. and it almost worked, but my dad caught me. I still feel so ashamed, I'm failing everyone but I don't know how to make it better.

GERARD DOESNT LIKE ME ANYMORE,

I RAN HIM OFF?

If I was so dumb he could tell me, I'm not that fucking stupid to ignore signs like this, people drifting apart. The last time I talked to him I think was a couple weeks ago, and I've been waiting for him to call on his own but he hasn't. I don't know what to do.. I can't get through this on my own, it's too hard. I wanna go home I just want someone here.. everything could be frozen in time right now, what do I know?

Well if he starts wondering or anything, here's this letter. I wonder how long it'll take before anyone notices I'm even gone. What if I'm all rotted and crawling with worms, or I'm just a skeleton? What if NOBODY finds me, and I become a fossil.

That sounds shitty actually, the whole point is to make someone feel sorry they didn't love me enough to make me stay. It sounds selfish and I'm sorry I just can't.

 

I don't have anyone else.

It pathetic that I don't have other friends.. well I do but it's hard to talk to other people about this type of thing. They could just call the cops on you, or form this huge uncomfortable support group.

Fuuuck, tried calling again, really fuking regret it, I left a voice mail..

I don't know why.. I decided to put so much trust into this person, stupid. maybe it was abusive. I dont know. I'm so scared, I secretly don't wanna die, I don't know what's gonna happen. Most of all I hope it's just like sleeping but without dreams

He doesn't care.. nobody cares!!!!!!!!!

God ****god aliens when they're the first ones to find me wont be able to read this, one because they most likely have some awesome cool alien language, and im smudging shit everywhere, need a break and grab another beer.

Sorry g.. spilled some vomit on your clothes.. when I get upset I get really nauseous, and yea it's gross. He kind of deserves it though.

This whole house smells like him, the clothes, the pillows. I can't ever stay mad at him.. I my pills haven't worked at all today. I'm too sick. I'm too too sick sick sick.

I'm gonna throw up.  
Relationships are great until time passes, you run out of things to say and drift apart slowly and slowly, like the tiny threads on an ugly twined rope. Still will miss you.. even if you don't miss me. I miss you I miss you I love you.. good bye.

Threw everything up. Drunk a beer. got the half dissolved tablets out of my fucking vomit and swallowed them down, I'm scared I don't have enough perscription and sleeping pills tonight, I don't want it to hurt super bad, but I have an okay tolerance for pain.

I guess this is my testimony? gerard and me sort of share a joint account, so I don't have money to give to anyone, I love you sweet pea!! Thanks for helping mikey, don't feel sad, I know you tried to help that once and I'm thankful. Bye g. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm so weak. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't think I'm gonna be around long enough to print enough of those to make up for this betrayal right now, but keep in mind you hurt me really bad and I don't want to say it's your fault but I don't know what to do on my own.

I hope g finds me first.. maybe in like 3 months?? Wow he's regret it.. I'm gonna smell real bad by then.

I'm so sorry, I'm horrible. Everybody hates me and I know it, I hurt everyone I go around I'm SO sorry

Sorry to if it turns out that g would miss me.. it's kinda been hard to tell, updating social media all the time and contacting other friends, NOT ME.

I'm over reacting. I just want an easy anser. I'm sorry, I loved everybody so so so much, I'll never see you again. I love you. I LOVE YOU. I love you so much.I'm so sorry,  
Xofrank


	2. Breathe With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Length: long, about 4500 words
> 
> Warnings: references to past abuse and abusive relationships, reference to murder
> 
> Synopsis:   
> Frank, let's just say, has been through a lot of terrible, putrid, heartbreaking shit. 
> 
> All that should be done with now though, because Jackson is gone, gone forever, away from him, and Frank has Gerard to take care of him (a friendship that originated in the sorry realms of pity, but not now). 
> 
> But it's not that simple for Frank. When someone cares about you so much that they understand every bit of you, give you the sweetest, tightest hugs to show you they care, and make sure you're doing alright each and every passing day, feelings beyond the limit of human consciousness come to pass, and alas, there are two ways it can end.
> 
> And it'll be the easy way, or the hard way.

He never really could escape it; it was incredibly fucking naive for Frank to even try and grasp at the flimsy red hair that had first informed him of the crazy idea that one day, some day, he might just move on past this.

He was never going to escape. 

Frank wailed into his hot, dampened pillow, and tangled his ugly, fat fingers into his ugly hair, grown upon an ugly, misshapen head. 

"Stop it, s-stop it!" Frank muttered, and fought this night terror. It was always the storms that made it worse. Always. 

He was never going to escape. 

With a startling crack of lightning that lit up Frank's room completely, his tense form trembled. Not even three seconds later thunder split and cracked the skies wide open. Everything practically shook, what the hell! Was he the only one hearing this? 

Was everything that he could do to help himself limited to bawling? He wanted to get a hold of himself but a tired, more cautious part of Frank's intuition cried out otherwise. 

This was the diseased part, the smart part that was so aware of Frank's fuck-ups that its job was to keep him under control, until the day he died. 

It would always be there. Jackson would always be there. He always said he would be. 

Silly storm, dumb imagination, Frank's other reasoning intercepted. Jackson is locked up. What are you doing crying over him right now? 

Frank wasn't crying over him.. He didn't feel a shred of pity at all. 

Right now, or rather, by this time, Jackson would have kicked Frank out of bed already from the incessant noise. There wasn't anything wrong with a storm. All Frank was was paranoid (or rather, traumatized). 

Sniffling sourly, Frank clenched his tired eyes shut, and rubbed his wet face that was red and overly warm. 

Frank, honestly, wasn't sure how he succeeded in the realm of not waking Gerard up at night. Most nights. 

Most nights Frank had nightmares despite his therapy and medication. Some nights he cried. On a few happy occasions he was violently thrusted from the realm of unconsciousness to an abhorrent hell where his worst fears roamed the earth, and he was so terribly alone. 

Yes, alone, but he had his.. blankets, at least. His lifesaver in particular carried the aroma of hazelnut and cigarettes.

Frank suffocated himself with it, and finally began to breathe. Who knew that breathing could be so hard. Who knew that Frank could be so fucking bad at it. 

Please stop thinking that way, Frank reminded himself. It didn't help anyone.. 

With another bolt of lightning, the real kicker, the bass drum rising up from the depths of hell, roared to life, and sent Frank squirming deeper into his already-tangled bedsheets. 

To his credit, Frank dozed for some time between the sheets of rain smacking against the outer walls, and the thunder. 

Every time it happened though, he became more tense until he couldn't even close his eyes, even while his body screamed for him to do so. 

Resigned, the (pathetic little fucking piece of twink shit) man clenched, and rubbed his eyes. He was exhausted. 

He couldn't. He couldn't get this thought out of his mind; he desperately needed something to distract.. 

It was almost three AM. 

Frank gritted his teeth, pulled himself upright in bed, and slid off until his feet found the unforgiving hard floor. He wondered briefly if Gerard had discarded some slippers by his bed again, for Frank to use. 

He knew he got up during the night sometimes, an issue with Frank's bladder stemming from something really, really, really horrible that had happened a couple of years ago.

Frank closed his eyes, and stood up to find the soft little shoes by his nightstand. He slipped them on. 

Indeed, Gerard recognized Frank's medical issue, but he didn't know how bad Frank was psychologically. He didn't know about his nightmares. At least, for the past few months. Gerard had been kind of busy. He didn't have to pore over Frank's unending problems with every quake or notice. Frank refused to be helpless, even though that was almost the definition of him, to a point. 

Well, at any rate, he used to be a lot worse before Gerard came. A couple years ago, Frank couldn't even leave his apartment to get groceries or anything. He still couldn't work because of his anxiety. 

But he was trying, a voice, eerily similar to Gerard's own, reminded him. At least he was trying. 

Once having quietly shut the door to his room (previously, the guest bedroom), Frank wandered into the living room quietly, noticing the nightlight on the wall nearby. It always made him feel better to have those scattered throughout the apartment, and Gerard knew it. 

Maybe he could sleep on the couch. A blanket was thrown over it, but it was lumpy. Frank wasn't sure if he could go adrift again. 

The living room was secure, but then again, without windows. Frank liked to look out the window, just before he went to sleep (despite his fear of everything about them). The air just adjacent to them, the draft he guessed, was always cool, and a city blanketed by roving nighttime darkness was interesting to glance out at. 

And Frank could be a little closer to Gerard in the living room- he was more available. 

Oh no, stop thinking that. He'd get thrown out or worse if Gerard found out that Frank had faggot feelings for him. Gerard was super kind, and obviously he knew about Jackson, but then again, grew up catholic, and Frank wasn't sure how much of those beliefs still maintained hold.. Maybe this was just an excuse to have him remain terrified of each and every little thing. 

Alright.. the couch. 

One of the drawers in the kitchen smacked shut, and Frank froze, paralyzed, solid. This sound barely sounded over the drumming of rain upon the roof, but it was still there..

Most likely, it was a noise you would've only paid attention to, provided you were someone like Frank. What a rare species. 

That sound wasn't normal, not something that just happened on its own and quieted down after a bit. Unless gravity was suddenly acting up, and the world was shaking, then that wasn't normal. 

It could be Gerard. But. Gerard always made it obvious that it was Gerard. Always. Like he could be humming, or singing something while music played through his headphones. He always did that, knowing Frank (and he probably just liked to do it, Frank didn't know). 

And it was silent. 

It had to be him, messing with the drawers for a weapon, perhaps. A lighter, to.. to, like he always, for a cigarette. Burn him. 

Yeah. Gerard always made it obvious he was there. This truly was happening. 

What could he do..?

Frank tried to stand up straight, fists at his sides, and took three or four stuttering steps back. 

What was he going to do? Frank snapped inside his head. Fucking snap at him? 

No.. he would have to sneak up on the intruder. 

He would have to.. face the, incidental noise. The incidental noise (his very real death).. in the kitchen. In the kitchen.

A rustle of the drawer proceeded Frank's thoughts, causing him to freeze. Jackson. Knife? To stab, and kill Gerard? To stab and kill Gerard. 

What if Gerard was already dead. 

Oh my god. 

Fuck! No..

Frank considered every time Jackson had done just the same thing to scare him, being creepy as shit at night when Frank just had to piss or get a glass of water. Dragging that blade across the.. 

Morbid imaginings of Gerard's rotten body- like a zombie- wafted through Frank's head. Any rational thoughts made peeled away like a silk sheet. 

Frank hyperventilated, and couldn't move. He just froze up, useless. He's considered this exact situation so many times before.. why now? In his head, he always imagined feeling braver, going about it. 

Gerard.. Frank's eyes pooled horrifically with tears.

There.. a silhouette in the doorway. 

Frank gasped; he was holding something, and please, please let it be coffee. Frank just received a scarring image in his head, of.. his friend's head. "G-G-Gee-?"

And then, there was Jackson, giving him this petrifying glare, one that said, 'not good enough. You're in for it. Get on the bed.'

Unsurprisingly, the sexual abuse was what still stuck with Frank most vividly, after all this time. 

Far off, "Frank..? That you?"

A light switched on- both in Frank's head and outside- as the overhead flooded to life, assaulting Frank's senses with color and sound. The panic attack practically screeched into overdrive, so much so that Frank wanted to scream. 

Yes. It was Gerard. His absolutely ridiculous matching Star Wars 'jamas, red hair that absolutely stained his neck because he couldn't dye and follow directions, and finally, the one who took out all those spiders for Frank whenever he saw one.. (But don't kill them! Frank would exclaim.)

And he looked so worried. 

Frank pressed his hands over his ears to block out the static, to keep himself calm and grounded. Gerard absolutely freaked and approached slowly before setting down this plated sandwich, trying not to startle Frank. 

Gerard put his hands up carefully. He knew just how freaked he got during panic attacks.

After some time, Frank was okay with being touched, and in fact, never wanted to curl up forever and be small than when Gerard embraced him like that, practically summoning Frank's tears forth, hot and damp against his neck. Gerard really didn't seem to mind. Frank was crying for the second time that night (or rather, really early morning).

"I'm so sorry I scared you," Gerard was saying. "Holy crap." Frank found himself shutting his eyes gratefully as Gerard pet his hair and stroked his back slowly. Change between intervals was timely as well. "I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry."

Frank grunted to let him know it was okay. Gerard, teary-eyed, looked him over anyway. 

"I am so sorry. I had a really bad nightmare; the thunder woke me, and I guess I was still half-asleep. Oh my god.. I'm so sorry, Frank. Fuck.."

Frank wasn't really hugging Gerard back- not without lack of trying, however. He really was tired. Tears reduced themselves to stuttering breaths. 

"I.. I g-get you. I, understand." Frank bit at the side of his bottom lip, and glanced at the sandwich. "So you were planning to eat..?" 

Gerard smiled. "It's a living." 

This caused Frank to smile, albeit ruefully. Truly, what would he ever do, who would he even be, without Gerard around. He held him together by crudely sewn threads, at times. 

Gee's nightmare, though. Frank didn't even want to imagine that. It made him incredibly upset to imagine Gerard snapping into consciousness with a cold sweat, a vivid image of something horrible, or worse.. Frank wasn't sure why he felt guilty right now, but he did. 

"What.. about you?" Gerard murmured. "You seem really, really stressed, and not just because of me."

A thunderous boom from outside startled him out of his stupor. 

"..Same thing."

"Ah." Gerard smiled softly, and took the liberty of hugging Frank once more. Frank appreciated it so much he lazed his head down near his chest. He felt a little self conscious about it, but then again Gerard would mention it if he felt a little uncomfortable. 

Between them, talking about things was the number one rule. 

Frank decided to ask. "What was. Your. Nightmare."

"Oh.. I don't really wanna talk about it. Sorry, b- er, Frankie."

"Sorry," Frank mumbled, and felt a bit trapped. He just reminded Gerard of a bad dream, and was almost called a bitch.. or at least he presumed. More cringeworthy: 'buddy'. 

Frank knew their number one rule, but that didn't mean that he followed it all the time. 

Lost in his thoughts, he didn't realize that Gerard had softly tapped the side of his cheek. "Earth to Frankie. I think the storm's almost over.."

Frank blinked. Indeed, a far-off rumble sounded outside. Relief flooded him. 

Maybe offhandedly, he spoke up. "Oh. That's good. Storms are scary. So loud."

"I getcha." Gerard seemed to smile. As did Frank, he looked like he hadn't been sleeping well. "Lightning's cool, but thunder sort of.. shakes everything. It's real scary, I think. Be a pretty bad superhero." 

Frank laughed aloud. That was completely true. He'd end up scaring the shit out of everyone instead of just helping. Maybe even scare the villain. "That's funny."

Gerard winked. "I try." 

From outside, the sheets of rain had mostly calmed. Thunder hadn't tried and shaken the earth for a few minutes now. 

"So.. back to bed? I dunno about me, but I could tuck you in, if you wanted."

Frank bit his lip to curb a smile. He liked to be taken care of, he knew that. It was a really sweet suggestion. 

"Eh.. nah, but thanks.. I-I can't sleep, in there. It-it scares.." Frank wanted to cry. 

"Oh!" Gee exclaimed, but so ruefully at the volume of a whisper. "I getcha. Couch is a bit small though, even for you." He seemed worried all the sudden. "Don't you hate the couch?"

Frank shrugged. Remembered their rule. Nodded. 

"How about.. m-my room? I have a sleeping bag, so I can sleep on the floor or whatevs."

"W-w-what-" Frank trembled, and looked Gerard in the eyes. Was really stuff that scared him so bad, this simple? Really? 

"You don't have to!" Gerard was quick to remind him. "It's just a suggestion, obviously."

Frank considered this. In first consideration, his answer was a bombastic 'yes please', but could he just be playing a practical joke on him? 

Gerard went back to rubbing Frank's back, and for good reason. He was shaking like a leaf right now. 

But then again, Gerard didn't play pranks like this, not ones that fucked with Frank's head. Uh. 

"Yeah! Okay."

"Cool." Gee grinned. "I'll take the floor for ya."

Frank nodded even though that's most definitely not how he wanted things to go. He may just like Gerard more than a friend, and it wasn't like that weird disorder where you get attached to your captor (not that Gerard keeping him hostage..). It wasn't an incidental thing, he meant.

Gerard was a really sweet guy. 

He also held his hand as they maneuvered through a dimness of the rooms. Frank appreciated this more than you know. 

Frank stayed close. A distressed sort of wriggling in the back of his mind insisted wildly that this was a trap. 

Frank whimpered softly at the thought, and Gerard caught notice. 

"Hey," he soothed. "It's gonna be alright." 

Frank nodded then, albeit more to himself. There was nothing malicious about this touch right now; Gerard was actually pretty famous for his touchiness. He just liked to be close, and there was nothing wrong with that, but more recently it had kinda been piddling off. Frank just wondered what was wrong with himself.

Stop it. 

Gerard's room smelled like Frank's favorite pillow, the one he'd smushed his face in earlier. It was distinctive, and comforting. Frank could.. probably hibernate in here. 

This was actually the first time Frank had been in here. 

"I like your room," he said, because it honestly needed to be said. Gerard seemed kind of nervous. 

"Aw, thanks. Well.. you can sit there.." Gerard motioned to his bed, sheets messy and strewed from the evening, and set his sandwich on a nearby desk. "I'll get something out of the closet for myself. I can tuck you in if you want also."

Ah. 

Frank sat on the edge of the bed as Gerard left him; a small lamp in the room clicked on. "Uh. Ger-ard?"

"S'up?" Gerard grunted, and carefully maneuvered a sleeping bag off the top shelf in his closet, which, of course, ended up slumping over and bringing about four blankets with it. "Ah! Crap."

Frank bit his lip. "Um. Do you need help?" 

Frank got up anyway, and folded a blanket to hand to Gerard. Simply, Frank wasn't tall enough to put it back. 

"Thanks." Gerard grinned. "Hey, you're really good at folding."

"Oh. Thanks." Frank smiled to himself, however much his stomach churned. "I could probably be about anyone's mom."

"Oh, so you're saying you'd be good with kids, now?"

Frank went madly red. "Well, I guess! I couldn't do it by myself though.. Ah, I'd probably just be a maid. Cleaning up stuff."

"Aw, Frank." 

Once they were finished, and the sleeping bag was laid out on the floor, Gerard moved to hug him. 

"Can I hug you?"

"Yeah."

He hugged him. "Hey. I assure you that you'd be a really fucking great mom."

Frank snorted, pushed him away. "You're silly."

"I know, but I'm smart! And a fortune teller, and Frankie Iero, I see you in the next five years to be a kickass mom, brother, cousin, son, lover, friend, and, um, those other things."

Frank went red and his head got really light. "Dang, you really know how to dish 'em out.."

"Mhm." 

Frank smiled. The moment was over. All he could do now was look down at his feet and yearn to.. do that thing. Use your fucking words! The moment of silence for Frank to do this was now! And short.

"Hey.. wait," Frank mumbled. He'd begin to return to the bed, but kept his hands firmly clasped in front of himself to ask. "Can-can you s-sleep with, uh, next to, me..? Uh."

Frank couldn't look Gerard in the face long enough to get a good range of his response of rejection right now. He said he was gonna stay up anyway, I mean, he made himself a sandwich. What was he fucking thinking, the bastard idiot? 

"Woah! Frank, don't, be upset."

Frank was close to tears, that's why he was saying that. 

"You didn't even give me a second to say anything.. Of course I'll lay with you, that's not a big deal."

"No," Frank muttered. He'd begun to cry softly, and wiped his eyes viciously. "I want to lay with you, like, more than a friend." Fuck, that didn't make sense. "I mean I really like you, I don't want it to just be like a sleepover.."

"Oh.."

Frank acknowledged this awkward silence with a short nod.

"Wow." Gerard sort of motioned his chin, looking up at him. "Hey. I mean, I just didn't expect you being so forthright. That sounds awesome, I mean, we already live with each other, and I've. I.. have had a crush on you I've been too shy to admit, too, I guess."

Gerard comforted him while in his arms. Frank trembled wildly, and with his level speaking, Frank could tell he was just trying to cool him down. ".....Really?"

"Yeah," Gerard admitted, then chuckled. "I really like the feeling of protecting you.. but more than that, I kinda like everything about you.. I mean, not kinda. I do, I. I dunno why I said 'kinda'."

Frank laughed aloud. It was really strange, seeing as Frank oddly didn't feel that nervous anymore. Maybe that was just Gerard's magic. Frank remembered meeting him through his landlord (or rather, from behind her), and getting so lightheaded he had to have Gerard leave the room. 

It wasn't so bad. Their first conversation had happened between a text. 

"Alright.. c-cool." Despite himself, Frank found himself within the full-swing of a nervous breakdown again. "Oh, god."

They stood there, embracing like idiots for several minutes. Frank's feet complained just about as much as Gerard did but hugging, and sitting on the bed like that, was too much for the frame of mind 'calm down, and relax'. 

"I." Frank whispered. "I missed your hugs." 

"Aw, Frank.." Gerard hugged him- and, in every sense of the word- closer. "I did too. You were more brave about it all than me though, so I applaud your audacity." 

Further, Gerard rubbed his back until they both felt better. 

"You wanna go to sleep now?"

Frank nodded, and pried himself away. Sounded good. 

With him, Frank watched Gerard pull back the dark sheets, fit for crawling into, and smile gracefully at him. Frank was really a sucker for that tired, cheeky smile.  

"I'll go put my sandwich in the fridge.."

"N-not one for wasting food," Frank teased. So much of himself had been stolen away by that fucking monster. "My.. my mom would love you."

"She'd love me anyway." He winked. "And you know it. Be back, Frankie-dear." 

Right. 

In the meantime, Frank sorted out Gerard's sleeping bag, and also organized some of the more obvious clutter around his desk and dresser. It really wouldn't kill that man to throw his trash in the trashcan, rather than just missing and 'cleaning it up later'. Frank would hate to imagine how he is with a condom. 

Frank cringed. That's disgusting.. Frank, we all know you're doing well, but not that well. 

Frank huddled his arms to his chest. That was a repulsive thought. Put it away, please. This train would lead straight to hell..

"Hey, Frankie. You okay?"

Frank told him how he was feeling (bad, if you couldn't tell), and helped him down to bed. 

Seeing as Frank didn't tell him any specifics, Gerard reassured him in the way that he does (a little quirkiness, some joking), and offered to cuddle. Frank took it, softly, after a bit of shuffling to get comfortable: awkward knee-bumping. 

"This is nice?" Frank observed. Gerard was right there beneath him, while Frank used his chest as a pillow, and his arm as a little.. blanket (or rather, Gerard had volunteered. 

Gerard agreed. Frank reeled that he was there with him, breathing, fucking with the sheets to get comfortable. They were already tired, so what shuffling around would it take to fall asleep? 

"G'night."

"Night," Frank replied. Increasingly, he felt warm, but it wouldn't last.

Within the next month of their budding relationship, the evening following a date night in fact, Frank had a horrible nightmare.

Reason being: they'd tapered off a lot, a lot a lot, after Frank begin sleeping next to someone. And now they were back with a vengeance. 

Gerard spoke to him in soft tones, easy, slow-moving rubs, and a tight, all-encompassing embrace. 

No one cared as much as Gerard did. 

"D-don't kick me out," Frank groveled. "Oh shit, I'm-" and "Frankie, I'd never!" 

Gerard's voice was rugged, tired from sleep, but still formidable. He kissed his cheek and rubbed his back.

"Hey, everything is going to be okay. That nightmare wasn't real, was it."

"Yeah. I mean, no. No, it w-wasn't.."

Well, it had been reality at one point. Or a really terrifying, exaggerated form of it, anyway.. 

"Exactly." 

Frank blinked. Into Gerard's soft skin, he sighed, and (don't tell anyone he did this) nuzzled it. "Please." 

"Please..?" Gerard sounded out. "Please what, babe?"

"Don't.. let me.." Frank choked. "Be your problem? Why is it, you're the only one who cares? Only you understand." Now, new, fresh tears pooled threateningly at Frank's eyes. "Fuck. I thought you'd.." 

"I would never, ever fucking hurt you," Gerard said. 

He's right. To Frank, did the past three years mean nothing? 

"You know," Gerard insisted. "If I wanted to lure you into a state of just, exposure, hurt you, wouldn't I have done it by now?"

"So you just want, what, to be the-" 

Gerard looked very seriously into Frank's eye. "No. Absolutely not."

He'd hurt him.

"I am not like him. I am not driven by.. fuckin' evilness. Honey.." 

Frank sobbed out his pain into Gerard's shirt-clad chest. He was so insecure, it seemed, he just had to get all that crap out. Gerard, in the meanwhile, kissed his cheek. He comforted him. 

Whenever Frank started to freak out again, Gerard would coddle him in small ways again. Everything was gonna be just fine, and he wasn't mad. 

Frank, in the most distant parts of his mind, didn't, and probably wouldn't ever, understand how Gerard stayed with him, and ended up happy. 

His art was stunning.. surely he would end up world-renowned, and he was so strong. So strong. He even managed to make Frank so. Part of him.. just couldn't see how Gerard would actually want this burden of an ugly, broken man that couldn't do so much as sleep without bawling like a child. 

"Frank," Gerard sighed. "Please, you gotta know that there's so much more beyond you than just your trauma.. you know? You've been through a lot of crap, but still, so passionate about everything? Loving, and so smart than in a second you can look outside the box?" 

I..

"Frankie, you are amazing." 

"I.." 

Gerard considered him. "What is it, lovey?"

Numbly, a bit limp, Frank went and put their lips together. It wasn't even a proper kiss, not really, but for the moment it was warm, and infested Frank with delicate butterflies. 

Warm and chapped, Frank thought, sensing Gerard as the first to kiss. This was nothing he was used to, this feeling. Since when could a simple act feel so lovely? 

Frank whimpered when it ended. 

"Yeah.."

"W..Wow." 

Gerard nodded dumbly. "Uh. Uh-huh." Then he smiled. A joke was coming up. "You didn't have to do that just to shut me up, I woulda done anyway, if I knew you were gonna do that.."

Frank bit his lip. He smushed his face into Gerard's neck, and didn't know what else to do. He was just obscenely warm, and as for Frank, he was blushing like crazy. Ah.. maybe a bit mortified.

"Gee.." Frank's voice was muffled. "Why're you so surprised?" 

"Oh.." Gerard stroked his hair, and Frank was comforted heavily by the movement. "That was my first kiss. You didn't know?" 

Frank thrust his head outward. "W-What, really?"

Gerard grinned. "That make you feel special? It better, I don't just kiss anyone, you know.. Sorry if I was a lil' bit bad."

Frank just laughed and shook his head, Their holds on one another sort of reassured themselves. Wow. 

"Frankie, I care about you so much. You know you're special, and you know you're special to me. Love yourself, okay?" 

Frank whimpered, then touched his lips again. "A.. Alright. Yeah, it's just hard sometimes."

Gerard nodded. "Preach it, brotha."

Frank found himself smirking. "You're such a geek.."

"A hot geek, and a very lucky geek," Gee added. Frank smiled, muffled, and laid his head neck on Gerard's chest to fall back asleep. "Sleep well.."

"Mm.."

A little bit muffled against the hair curled around Frank's ears, he sensed Gerard's smile. He could tell he was truly happy, back in that realm of caring for him again. Frank was honestly happy to be taken care of. 

What a.. sequence of events. It was hard to imagine their dreams all not coming true, soon..


End file.
